please dont stop the music

So I went to the Ash Wednesday service at church this week. And got Ash-ed.

I've never gotten ashes before, its just not something within the traditions of the church denomination I grew up in. It always used to seem odd to me. That along with giving up something for lent. I never really "got" it, nor really cared.

The last few years I find myself more inquisitive about church tradition. I had gone through this stage in life where I realized that religious tradition didn't matter, what truly mattered was a relationship with Jesus Christ. I still find this very, VERY true. However, I find myself appreciating tradition for what it is, and what its original intention was.

As a result of all this, my view of Lent has sort of evolved into this period of life within each year that I can sort of set aside, and look at things a little different, and really focus on the specifics of the cross.

SO I was at this Ash Wednesday service, which was put together a bit differently. Very traditional in structure with certain readings and prayers, sermonettes and communion (along with the ashes), but it was the worship that had a different tone or vibe then usual. The energy and enthusiasm was undeniable. After the last song it was requested that we do a couple more...and then a couple more....and then....it just kept going.

It was truly a beautiful moment where I was immediately surrounded by new friends, and the room was full of generations of Christians just in awe of our Creator. I love watching generations come together for one common purpose; especially in a church that has come so far by way of breaking from standard religious systems. It is truly beautiful to me to watch older couples in the church praising God together through modern worship music .


please don't stop the music.
just dance.

retreat.

The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures; he leads me beside quiet waters, HE RESTORES MY SOUL. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and love will follow me all the day s of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever. ~Psalm 23



I spent last weekend retreating in the beutifuly scenic Holland, MI. A group from Catalyst, the 20something group at church hung out at this church camp, went skiing on saturday, and overall spent some time getting to know eachother and God in a fresh way.

Psalm 23 was the "key verse" for the weekend. Its a chapter that I've heard time and time again, have memorized and re-memorized...and yet hit me hard again this weekend.

I've spent a good amount of time in the past month or so trying to discern my life direction, and the critical steps that are going to need to be taken the next few months. These decisions and concerns have been so much at the forefront of my thoughts that I truely feel overwhelmed. In short I've truely felt "not myself" and overall exhaused and worn out. I've noticed myself taking a step back and realizing.....i'm so hungry myself I dont know if I can feed others, or pour into others. Its been difficult to say the least.

SO this weekend the small phrase....HE RESTORES MY SOUL...struck me hard. I was praying for something this weekend, and it was layed out quite obviously in the first hours of the retreat. Even now, that phrase is so comforting.

I got to reading it in the message, and it says it this way there. "True to your word, you let me catch my breath and send me in the right direction."

How beutiful that thought, and so true to how I feel. I need to catch my breath, and He will send me in the right direction.

en limbo.

Lately I've been finding myself at this awkward in limbo stage of life. The world truly is "my oyster" and while I'm feeling myself drawn to certain things, I'm also scared to let others fade into the distance. So in efforts to not let anything fall by the wayside....I'm juggling all the possibilities.

I'm not too sure how long this is going to last, and I'm pretty sure it has already out-lasted the length of time a normal person would be able to keep them all juggling. But alas...I'm still limbo-ing and juggling...

I need a serious kick in the rear, slap to the face, reality check.
I need to let the balls drop, and fall where they may.
I NEED some quiet time, silence, solitude, so forth and so on
.....which you cant do when you're limbo-ing up the town.


BAH

memorization

"He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. For by him all thing were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him. He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together. And he is the head of the body, the church; he is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead, so that in everything he might have the supremacy. For God was pleased to have all this fullness dwell in him, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross."

Colossians 1:15-20

spaghetti and....waffles.

There was this couple that came to our chapel once in college. They were the authors of this book called, "Men are like Waffles, Women are like spaghetti." The message was so good I dragged one of my guy-friends with to hear them again that night.

The point was and is, women's minds are like a spaghetti noodle. It just keeps going on and on. Whereas in real life one situation may not seem to correlate with another....they can, and do, in a women's mind. A guy's mind on the other hand is like a waffle. Several boxes of information, none of which intermingle...well, rarely do.

There have been several situations arise in the last few weeks where I was reminded of this model. Here I am in my frustration wondering why he doesn't understand that I'm frustrated...when he has absolutely no idea, cuz his mind is in another box. In my mind, everything relates back to the issue at hand. Thus digging me deeper in frustration.

I'm thankful for this specific chapel message.

Paca.

On my day off this week I had lunch with my grandparents. Shortly after lunch my grandma left for a bible study at church and so it left my grandpa and I to chat. I call my grandpa Paca. Its an old dutch word for grandpa. He doesnt even seem like a grandpa to me, he's a paca.

Shortly after my grandma's leaving, he motiond me to the cookie jars full of cookies my grandma had made recently. I walked over to take one and asked if he wanted any, and he said "Oh yeah, better just bring the jars over here." So I did. And there Paca and I sat, across the kitchen table, sneaking our hands into giant old pickle jar size cookie jars eating cookies and chatting away a cold winters day.

Moments like these are getting fewer and further between. When I was young I wanted nothing to do with these moments, dreading the lengthly history chats with Paca, hoping I would be able to sit still and be respectful long enough, thinking of a reason why I might need to leave in order to end the chat sooner rather then later. Now I fight for the time to go there.

I've realized as I've gotten older that there's something about these chat's that speaks deep into my soul, and soothes all aches or concerns life has tossed my way. We chatted about his time in Europe during the war, and what the Catholics are up to (He lives on the corner next to a fairly happenin Catholic church). He talked about a recent book he was reading and how it was challenging him. I told him about church and a new small group, work, and the recent book I finished. I layed out the potential for the next year of my life, and let him work his way though it. He told me how to look at the opportunites, and really look at them..pray, and really pray. And how to tell my parents about them when it came time, and how he'd help them understand.

All this while taking turns dipping into the cookie jar, and no one was around to stop us.

Paca is probably one of the wisest people I know. He takes every situation and learnes from it, and uses it when he comes across a simmilar situation. He stands up for whats right, even in the face of adversity. When he speaks, I listen, because I know its something well thought out, something true an right.

Someday I hope to have half the knowledge he has.


I must have eaten a dozen cookies that day, but it was a beutiful afternoon.

january recap

I often like to look back on a month, or season of time and reflect over what happened. The good. The bad. The ugly. Check for underlying themes, and see where I've grown.

Top 10 happenings of January. (in no particular order)

1. I got to spend a lovely 4 days with a beautiful friend and old roommate who now is a missionary in South Africa. We keep up fairly well over the time apart, but nothing beats quality face time. She wont be home again for two years, and I miss her greatly.

2. I let my heart get entangled. Fell again...and got back up.

3. My boss went on vacation. This means things are a little more crazy at the flower shop.

4. My grandma had knee surgery. I visited with her a couple of times, and realized....we need to hang out more.

5. My summer trip for this coming year was cancelled. Thus began the process of trying to figure out what God has up his sleeve.

6. Had a HUGE fight with the parentals, resulting in what i think may be a request for me to move out. I'm not really sure how I'm going to do this and pay my student loans.

7. Life bloomed with an over abundance of new possibilities.....teaching in Korea, spending part of the summer in Mexico, Moving....to name a few.

8. I finally bought a new computer. And had to send it in for warranty work. Oh the irony.

9. I'm finding myself getting more and more attached to the church I've been going to, and the people there. This makes me feel vulnerable. Vulnerability is scary.

10. I visited the great town of Goshen, IN. My true home away from home. Spent some quality time with some friends, pondered life's possibilities, and latest happenings.



So January has been a crazy month. Bi-polar really with its extreme highs and lows. As we move into February i hope things start to level out. But none the less, I love the roller coaster ride..