I havent written here in a while.... I think it directly relates to the craziness of life.
Blogging is good for me - it helps me process.
I should get to that soon.
:)
Friday, December 3, 2010
Saturday, September 11, 2010
E-mo
The Lord is up to something – I just haven’t placed it quite yet. I seem to be more sensitive lately. The simple things take my breath away. I’ve shared some of the sweetest moments the last few weeks with people I love. It’s happening more and more where I feel like my heart just might swell out of my chest. It’s not uncommon these days for these sweet moments to bring me to tears.
As I learn more and more about the injustices of the world – and yes these bring me to tears too- I am more and more thankful for the people around me.
In many ways I know I’m still morning the loss of my grandfather – and perhaps that’s why I’m sensitive.
“Tears seem to stay closer to the surface for me as well these days. They will come, unbidden, in the midst of prayer. Sometimes I’m not even aware they are there until I feel them on my cheek.”
–Micheal Card, the Walk
As I learn more and more about the injustices of the world – and yes these bring me to tears too- I am more and more thankful for the people around me.
In many ways I know I’m still morning the loss of my grandfather – and perhaps that’s why I’m sensitive.
“Tears seem to stay closer to the surface for me as well these days. They will come, unbidden, in the midst of prayer. Sometimes I’m not even aware they are there until I feel them on my cheek.”
–Micheal Card, the Walk
Beautiful
Ten beautiful things happening in my life these days…
1. A crisp fall afternoon.
2. A husband and wife coming together in marriage.
3. New life within a family.
4. The imperative role of a father in a young boy’s life.
5. The inseparable bond between a single mother and her young daughter.
6. Young love.
7. Young people living out of who the Lord created them to be
8. Talented individuals using their gifts to serve.
9. 58 years of marriage
10. A Saturday to catch up and unwind.
1. A crisp fall afternoon.
2. A husband and wife coming together in marriage.
3. New life within a family.
4. The imperative role of a father in a young boy’s life.
5. The inseparable bond between a single mother and her young daughter.
6. Young love.
7. Young people living out of who the Lord created them to be
8. Talented individuals using their gifts to serve.
9. 58 years of marriage
10. A Saturday to catch up and unwind.
helping/hurting
I have this job – its two fold really. Part of my time I spend as the Mission Director at my church. Such a big title that I often am not sure I live up to. I put in all I’ve got – and the rest is a lot of trusting that the Lord fill in that gap. It’s a good system I think.
I’ve spent a good part of the last year wrestling over questions I’d never had to face before. Suddenly with a new position I felt more accountable. Issues I’d chosen to be ignorant over for my personal gain I now have to question due to my new responsibility as a leader.
I few weeks back I found myself walking the dirt roads of Honduras. It’s crazy to me how freeing simple moments like that can be for me. It’s crazy to me how hard it is for most people to go to such places – yet every time I go I struggle more and more with being here.
Needless to say many of the questions I had been wrestling with in the previous months regarding short-term missions suddenly smacked me upside the head and I broke down right there on that dirt road. I stopped short and just looked around me. I looked down at the small girl that happened to be holding my hand at the moment and for the first time in a real tangible way asked myself if my being there was actually helping her. Suddenly the questions came flooding to my mind of stewardship and I wondered the long term effects of my being there.
I’ve spent a fair amount of time on the road with short-term mission projects and each time I come home wrecked. For weeks in fact I generally am in a fog upon returning to America. Each time it’s harder and harder for me to justify my standard of living. To be honest I don’t know that I’ve thought half as much as how my actions affected those I had left behind in whatever country I had been. In my American brain I just don’t think I ever thought my outreach wasn’t helpful. In many ways it might have been. In others I’m saddened to look back and realize we probably were making things more difficult for them.
As I move forward in this journey I can’t help but battle in my head over the long-term effects of what I’m doing, or I’m encouraging others to do. Yes helping at soup kitchens and food banks and feeding the homeless, rehabbing houses is great – but if we’re not getting to the root of the issue in the end we’re just feeding into the cycle of poverty. As the old saying goes – Give a man a fish & he’ll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish & he’ll eat for a lifetime.
I’ve spent a good part of the last year wrestling over questions I’d never had to face before. Suddenly with a new position I felt more accountable. Issues I’d chosen to be ignorant over for my personal gain I now have to question due to my new responsibility as a leader.
I few weeks back I found myself walking the dirt roads of Honduras. It’s crazy to me how freeing simple moments like that can be for me. It’s crazy to me how hard it is for most people to go to such places – yet every time I go I struggle more and more with being here.
Needless to say many of the questions I had been wrestling with in the previous months regarding short-term missions suddenly smacked me upside the head and I broke down right there on that dirt road. I stopped short and just looked around me. I looked down at the small girl that happened to be holding my hand at the moment and for the first time in a real tangible way asked myself if my being there was actually helping her. Suddenly the questions came flooding to my mind of stewardship and I wondered the long term effects of my being there.
I’ve spent a fair amount of time on the road with short-term mission projects and each time I come home wrecked. For weeks in fact I generally am in a fog upon returning to America. Each time it’s harder and harder for me to justify my standard of living. To be honest I don’t know that I’ve thought half as much as how my actions affected those I had left behind in whatever country I had been. In my American brain I just don’t think I ever thought my outreach wasn’t helpful. In many ways it might have been. In others I’m saddened to look back and realize we probably were making things more difficult for them.
As I move forward in this journey I can’t help but battle in my head over the long-term effects of what I’m doing, or I’m encouraging others to do. Yes helping at soup kitchens and food banks and feeding the homeless, rehabbing houses is great – but if we’re not getting to the root of the issue in the end we’re just feeding into the cycle of poverty. As the old saying goes – Give a man a fish & he’ll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish & he’ll eat for a lifetime.
three.
I like to measure life in Chapters. As seasons change and new things occurs, growth happens; it seems only fitting that they be measured in chapters. Moments, days, years, they all are figured into the story. The story of me.
The last chapter of my life was a long one. It was probably divided into sections with subheadings and big bold titles. It also definitely had those breaks noted with a row of asterisks. It was one of those that you wonder if you’ll ever get to the end of, with each page turn hoping for the end but instead just more paragraphs. While reading through it instead of reading it to the end of the chapter you would probably take a break at each of these rows of headings. Waiting a few days to pick it back up again hoping that somehow the main character makes it through without losing her sanity or forgetting the One who created her wasn’t done writing yet.
In the end though I learned to love where I was at in life. The highs and lows, everything a learning moment, leaving my heart open and teachable to what was going on. Soaking it in as much as possible without getting too frustrated with the stagnate nature of it all. It’s interesting how looking back at something it all becomes so much clearer. The meaning behind the moments, even the tiny ones, which I didn’t understand until later were so foundational to bringing me to where I am.
I’m thankful for the chapter, the chapter that covered three years of my life. From graduation until now; the highs and lows, ins and outs; the face plants and the mountaintops - it all was worth it.
Three years ago I graduated from college. Degree in hand and student loans still in their grace period I felt like I could take on the world. The world was my oyster and I anticipated the road I was on would continue to be clear and effortless. It was clear, but not effortless. While others took the main highways to their destination of dream jobs, marriage, and children; I opted for the less traveled roads.
Standing where I’m at today I see the beauty of it all and I’m thankful. Thankful for the Lord’s provision and thankful for the time to figure out who I am. Thankful for the unending grace He gives which enables me to continue this journey.
The last chapter of my life was a long one. It was probably divided into sections with subheadings and big bold titles. It also definitely had those breaks noted with a row of asterisks. It was one of those that you wonder if you’ll ever get to the end of, with each page turn hoping for the end but instead just more paragraphs. While reading through it instead of reading it to the end of the chapter you would probably take a break at each of these rows of headings. Waiting a few days to pick it back up again hoping that somehow the main character makes it through without losing her sanity or forgetting the One who created her wasn’t done writing yet.
In the end though I learned to love where I was at in life. The highs and lows, everything a learning moment, leaving my heart open and teachable to what was going on. Soaking it in as much as possible without getting too frustrated with the stagnate nature of it all. It’s interesting how looking back at something it all becomes so much clearer. The meaning behind the moments, even the tiny ones, which I didn’t understand until later were so foundational to bringing me to where I am.
I’m thankful for the chapter, the chapter that covered three years of my life. From graduation until now; the highs and lows, ins and outs; the face plants and the mountaintops - it all was worth it.
Three years ago I graduated from college. Degree in hand and student loans still in their grace period I felt like I could take on the world. The world was my oyster and I anticipated the road I was on would continue to be clear and effortless. It was clear, but not effortless. While others took the main highways to their destination of dream jobs, marriage, and children; I opted for the less traveled roads.
Standing where I’m at today I see the beauty of it all and I’m thankful. Thankful for the Lord’s provision and thankful for the time to figure out who I am. Thankful for the unending grace He gives which enables me to continue this journey.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
broken.
A while back I prayed that the Lord “break my heart for what breaks His.” Simple words of a recent trendy worship song that struck me – looking back I don’t think I knew what I was in for. In the time since I find myself time and time again completely heartbroken over the injustices in this world and the chosen ignorance of my American Christian peers.
Time and time again I find myself somehow trying to manage standing between these two worlds; keeping one foot in each world and rationalizing the need to do so. Tonight I sit back and find myself yet again completely heart-broken on all subjects regarding the injustices of this world and the complacency of the culture around me.
“What, therefore, is our task today?” Should I answer, “Faith, hope, and love?” That sounds beautiful. But I would say – courage. No, even that is not challenging enough to be whole truth. Our task today is recklessness. For what we Christians lack is not psychology or literature…we lack Holy rage. The recklessness which comes from the knowledge of God and humanity; the ability to rage when justice lies prostrate on the streets, and when the lie rages across the face of the earth. A Holy anger about the things that are wrong in the world. To rage against the ravaging of God’s earth and the destruction of God’s people. To rage when little children must die of hunger, while the tables of the rich are sagging with food. To rage at the senseless killing of so many, and the madness of militaries. To rage against the lie that calls the threat of death and the strategy of destruction peace. To rage against COMPLACENCY. To restlessly seek that recklessness that will challenge and seek to change human history until it conforms to the norms of the kingdom of God.”
-Father Kaj Munk, 1944
Time and time again I find myself somehow trying to manage standing between these two worlds; keeping one foot in each world and rationalizing the need to do so. Tonight I sit back and find myself yet again completely heart-broken on all subjects regarding the injustices of this world and the complacency of the culture around me.
“What, therefore, is our task today?” Should I answer, “Faith, hope, and love?” That sounds beautiful. But I would say – courage. No, even that is not challenging enough to be whole truth. Our task today is recklessness. For what we Christians lack is not psychology or literature…we lack Holy rage. The recklessness which comes from the knowledge of God and humanity; the ability to rage when justice lies prostrate on the streets, and when the lie rages across the face of the earth. A Holy anger about the things that are wrong in the world. To rage against the ravaging of God’s earth and the destruction of God’s people. To rage when little children must die of hunger, while the tables of the rich are sagging with food. To rage at the senseless killing of so many, and the madness of militaries. To rage against the lie that calls the threat of death and the strategy of destruction peace. To rage against COMPLACENCY. To restlessly seek that recklessness that will challenge and seek to change human history until it conforms to the norms of the kingdom of God.”
-Father Kaj Munk, 1944
Friday, April 23, 2010
highland.
On the move again; six months later.
I didn’t realize how attached I’d become to this place. How much healing and growth has taken place here. I moved in on short notice, taking a leap of faith, knowing something had to give somewhere and finding this to be that perfect outlet. 3232 LaPorte became my comfort, my safety zone; the perfect combination of location, environment, and roommates. This is the place where my life finally became grounded again and where I re-discovered my calling. Its crazy how much can change in a person’s life in a mere six months, how much growth can take place. I look back and yet again am blown away by the Lord’s unending grace and mercy and powerful hand in it all.
And again I’m brought to chaos. It seems like all or nothing for me as I walk through life. Everything is going through change; the coming months are going to be incredibly formational for the years ahead. Amidst this chaos I find rest and peace in the shadow of the almighty knowing that these six months have been imperative to enabling me to get through the days ahead.
Highland will be forever in my mind a memory of a slow unwinding of who I thought I was into who I truly am.
So I’m off to Lansing to see what life has to offer there. I’m pumped and packed.
I didn’t realize how attached I’d become to this place. How much healing and growth has taken place here. I moved in on short notice, taking a leap of faith, knowing something had to give somewhere and finding this to be that perfect outlet. 3232 LaPorte became my comfort, my safety zone; the perfect combination of location, environment, and roommates. This is the place where my life finally became grounded again and where I re-discovered my calling. Its crazy how much can change in a person’s life in a mere six months, how much growth can take place. I look back and yet again am blown away by the Lord’s unending grace and mercy and powerful hand in it all.
And again I’m brought to chaos. It seems like all or nothing for me as I walk through life. Everything is going through change; the coming months are going to be incredibly formational for the years ahead. Amidst this chaos I find rest and peace in the shadow of the almighty knowing that these six months have been imperative to enabling me to get through the days ahead.
Highland will be forever in my mind a memory of a slow unwinding of who I thought I was into who I truly am.
So I’m off to Lansing to see what life has to offer there. I’m pumped and packed.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
