retrospect.

The New Year always stirs some sort of introspection on the happenings of the past year. Good or bad, highs or lows, all things get considered and then somehow we sit back and decide for ourselves how we’re going to do things differently in the coming year. What’s interesting to me in all of this is the fact that somehow we think we can sit and say how we are going to change things. We sit around discussing these things as though the things that come along our path our really our doing, and as if we have a say in our encountering them. “Wow. This event or that event really stunk. Let’s not do that again.” It’s my thought that we can’t decide for ourselves what comes along our path, but we can however decide for ourselves how we react to it. Do we embrace the heartache or joy? Do we choose for ourselves an attitude of gratefulness and press on with endurance; or wallow in self pity and let the current circumstance overtake us?

The only thing I wish for myself in the coming year is more of this; more God, more of discovering who I am, more of this walk with Jesus and more time with the people walking with me. I want to blur the line between who I want to be and who I am. I want to immerse myself in the world and culture, yet not be consumed by it. I want to LOVE from the center of who I am (Rom.12:9mess.) I want to risk everything.

Top Happenings of 2009:
1. I was planning a pretty hefty trip for this past summer, and to my initial dismay, felt God leading me not to. In exchange I got the most American of all-American summers. It rocked my socks and grew me in ways I’m still discovering.
2. I decided to eat organic. I was quite successful at it for about 6 months. Financial constraints and overall inconvenience led to my change back to “normal” food. Someday I hope to return to this lifestyle as I generally felt much better while eating organic.
3. The family spent one last summer at Auntie Ange’s cottage. It was a fun week of nostalgia and reminiscing. Realizing we aren’t as young as we once were, but still trying to act like it. Early morning fishing and late night games of monopoly filled in with boating and skiing, blueberry picking and trips to Saugatuck. In the end the cottage will always hold a piece of the family’s heart and it’s bittersweet to think we may not share that place again though exciting for new traditions and memories made.
4. Relationships. Oh dear me so much to say here. In the end relationships are hard work, but worth it. I love catching glimpses of who I am in the reflection of who I spend time with. I love the self discovery that takes place with those who know me to my core, sometimes better then I know myself. I love the realization that we are each amazing people, but not amazing together, and being ok with that. And I love LOVEing people.
5. I spent some time out on the east coast with my girl A.Bell. She’s basically one of the most amazingly beautiful women God ever brought across my path and I love LOVE walking with her on this leg of our race.
6. I moved out, gained some independence, and am still regaining a foothold of who I truly am. I a Hoosier now, which is something I never thought possible, but crazier things have happened. Overall, I’m lovin’ it.
7. I won a cruise. Yeah, I never win anything, but I won a cruise to the Bahamas. It was amazing. My old college roommate came along with me and we shared 4 days of complete spontaneity, good conversation, laughter, and our hearts with each other. It was beautiful.
8. I became a part of this group called Living Fire. It’s basically a more intense bible study focusing a lot on self discovery and knowing God and therefore knowing yourself more. It’s phenomenal. The people in my group are taking over a piece of my heart and I love sharing life with them.
9. There were the endless array of road trips and ski trips, retreats, and weekends on friend’s couches. All of these things brought life and encouragement on a rollercoaster of a year.
10. I don’t really have a #10 but I felt like I needed one to round out the list. I’m sure if I think a little longer I could think of another something huge however I think I am done thinking for today. So bring on 2010 and a continuation of the crazy life I live.